It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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