going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She bit a glass in half.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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