I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
