...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
