im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How does one acquire holy water?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
