I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
