just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
