HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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