look no pants
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
