i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
