what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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