can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
