If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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