omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I did not marry a roomba.
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