She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
