I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
