Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
