Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
