I wish i was in the wii world.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
