i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
