As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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