mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
so much tequila, so little girl.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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