Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
