is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dicks are not precious.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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