Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm too high and old for this...
Dick very happy bro
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
