i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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