I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
