She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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