Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
