He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
