he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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