Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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