We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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