I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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