Got a toothbrush?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
