Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
