i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
