yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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