He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
