My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
