so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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