dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
