Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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