I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and she was petting her beer can
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
