Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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