I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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