I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
