i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
