Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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