It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Randomize
