I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
