They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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