I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
