Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
