I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
