i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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