I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize