god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
