He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
