This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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