She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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