I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
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she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize