The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
