I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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