question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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