Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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