I wish you could order shots online.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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