I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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