Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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