real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
