We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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