im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
