Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
