Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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