I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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