Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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