I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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