Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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