I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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